In the name of love

Stealing a quote from Wayne Brady, I would have to "choke a bitch" if I was stabbed in the ey, not once but twice. Take a guess which country this happened in?

China, again.

Earlier I said China was practically tied with India for weird stories, but they top the list when it comes to contaminated products. Come on now, antifreeze in cough syrup?

A reason to beat somebody

Brace yourself for this article, this guys needs to thoroughly beaten and punished for what he did.

9-1-1 is a joke.

Flavor Flav now has help in ridiculing the 911 emergency dispatch system. A 4 year old in Illi-noise gave Carpentersville deputies a run for their money as she called 911 almost 300 times before deputies fought back using Ronald MacDonald. Unfortunately, the little girl got screwed and another hardened criminal mastermind was born.

Hot and Sour Dragon

I shouldn't be suprised what comes out of China anymore...they give India a run for it's money when it comes to weird news.

Zebrula?

Definitely not the next big budget superhero movie.

We start 'em out young in the South

Check out this kid. He'll be a rough-neck once he hits puberty. Kudos to saving your brother little man, even though it's a bit disturbing.

Gross!

It's been a while since I posted, but I found an article disgusting enough to bring me back. We have all seen the gag w/ some guy getting his Johnson caught in a pool drain plug while being dirty, but real life stuff like this makes me hurt. I didn't know you could get your guts sucked out this way...

Can global warming prevent a new Cold War?

It seems President Bush is tap dancing on a nuclear landmine with Russia. First, talks of putting missiles at strategic locations around the former Soviet Union, then a comment that Russia is backsliding on it's democratic reforms. With the US war on terror in full swing and those two issues out in the open, I'm guessing that Russia probably fears becoming a renewed enemy of the US. I can smell a new arms race brewing, especially when you toss in the now infamous speech by President Bush several years ago.

Rise of the Machines

Like a bad prequel to the Terminator movies, Japan is leading the way to world domination by man-bots.

Vick in the news. Again.

Vick is just surrounded by misfortune.

Best Jail Photo EVER

I have to admit, Paris knows how to work a camera.

Local politics-why do I love it?

Here you go. Enjoy this blurb from an Athens Banner Herald article on congressional candidate, Paul Broun Jr. who was caught soliciting donations in anticipation of former congressman Charlie Norwood's death from cancer:

Broun sent out letters more than a year before Norwood's death stating his
intention to run should Norwood retire or run for governor but Norwood found out
about it...When Broun told Norwood at church that he'd been praying for him, Norwood replied, "Well, as you can see, your prayers ain't been answered, 'cause I'm still breathing," according to [John] Stone.

"Mamaaaaaa just killed a mannnnnnn..."

I'm sure people have wanted to shoot me too when I sang "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Celebrities in the news

Here's the top 3 famous or infamous of the week:
1)Kevorkian is free
2)Lohan is hooked-again
and
3) the Police are lame (aw, so sad-I'm a big fan)

On a side note, this news made me very sad too. I want to have your love child Lee Adama.

The Wall of Weird

A quick run through of my favorite "Top Ten" weird stories I've read this week:

1) A monster pig-again
2) My old friend Nessie
3) a gay AIDS rape gang
4) Scuba diving at the Eiffel Tower
5) Child death by dishwasher
6) A daycare caught hiding babies
7) Dildos and organists
8)Getting high in Rome
9)The dangers of eating at fast food restaurants
10)A very old melon
and one bonus from my favorite country to pick on:
11) India

His house of cards is already collapsing

Uh-oh. I think Michael Vick's already starting his fall. That only took an hour. Let's see what the next couple of days has in store.

I love using the word jet-setter in a conversation

I like to string together random words that would never get used together to describe a person, so this next sentence is dear to my heart. The issue with the jet-setting, TB-infected, personal injury lawyer from UGA (now that's a combination) shows that the world is becoming smaller, it's still easy to sneak into the country, and people can always be expected to do the worst thing possible in a bad situation. This little drama reminds me of 12 Monkeys. If you have never seen it, you should. It may foster an irrational fear of airports, mad scientists, disease, crazy people, and time travel, but it well worth the ride.

Again, and again, and again

Michael Vick has become one of my hobbies now. I just like to see just how much trouble one athlete can get into. I think Vick is in it up to his neck. We'll see how NFL Commissioner Goodell handles the situation since he's been cracking down on the bad boys of the NFL.

Good ole Georgia

We are going to get a reputation if our beloved citizens and associates keep this monkey business up. First there was the fishing guys getting shot at not too far from Athens, then the redneck candidate showdown, and now a UGA Typhoid Mary. How much more excitement can we take?

3 new shows you need to catch...

Extreme Hangover: Home Edition

Extreme Makeover: Vaginal Edition

Extreme Makeover: Poo Edition

Not so Best Buy

Better check twice and bring a copy of the online sale ad next time you want to buy that [insert techno-babble here] when you hit Best Buy.

That is soooo gay.

Military standards have always been conservative, but times are changing. Now, desperate for warm bodies, restrictions have loosened to allow soldiers with more tattoos, weaker educational backgrounds, and even allow "moral waivers" for criminals. God forbid you're gay.

Good for her

I see Zza Zsa Gabor stopped slapping officers and finally got lucky.

Set 4 life

After slinging back PBRs at Lil' King's and the Manhattan during extended Happy Hour Fridays, I should be OK. My liver on the other hand...

Speaking of PBR, check out my new hat and Tshirt I just ordered.

Polyphonic Spree

Hell of a show last Monday at the 40 Watt. You should check 'em out in Atlanta in June if you get the chance. I'm going to try to make it.

A state park built on human stupidity

Providence Park. I should check it out, it still seems beautiful. It's a shame that parks are getting shut down on certain days due to budget cuts.

News events of the day in one word:

1) Why? 2) Cool 3) WTF? 4) Cute 5)Screwed 6) Gay and finally, 7) Ridiculous.

This drought will have my garden by the scroat.

The drought that we are experiencing here in GA is getting worse. Currently, local restrictions havn't been that bad on residential use, but that may change in the future. The freeze in April wiped out alot of our fruits, now the lack of water will probably kill everything else being grown in GA. Hard times to be a farmer. Those looking for cheap vegetables better find an alternate food source.

Oh yeah, it seems there are multiple definitions for the word "Scroat."

I need some gas relief

At $3.15 a gallon, I think we are all hurting, no matter how big the gas tank. I just paid $50 for 16 gallons of gas. Thank God I'm a high rolla and a balla.

Smooth move Paula

That is why God hates small dogs.

They certainly can pick them in the NFL

Michael Vick should inform his friends in the NFL to shut the helll up. And I thought Vick had lost his mind...jeez.

And to bring it all together...

They way this blog works is that the earlier emails are pasted at the bottom. If you read my blogs in order, you would see some dish about Britney and some stuff about short people, but how about a 1-2 combo of Britney and midgets? I love celebrities. Now only if we can get Britney, K-Fed, the birthday midgets, Lindsay Lohan, and tiny Britney all in one room together. That would be one big-ass cluster f&*#.

And just for giggles: "Poops...she did it again."

How's the weather down there?

Man, I'm still under probation at work for that joke about women drivers. Now, no more short jokes in the office. What's a guy gotta do for fun in the office. Next thing you know I'll lose Liquid Lunch Thursdays.

For the macabre-lovres

Check out this lucky/unlucky lady's story.

Britney's next job

Would you like that hood buffed sir?

?

Has Britney lost her mind?

Tales from the Far East

I find India has the richest stories that fascinate the mind and the heart. Actually, most of the stories I find online tend to be bizarre, usually macabre. For the first story, I'll stick with bizarre.

This is why labor is much cheaper in India (with a touch of macabre).

What's up with UGA folks today?

Soon as I read the story about the UGA student being arrested for threatening a faculty member, my eyes hit this story. I've eaten Pita Pit before and while my first reaction to the food was not quite as violent, it was still rather negative. He was probably trying to wash the taste of it out with the toilet water. I think the Pita Pit should be charged with assult against an officer.

UGA student threatens faculty member, arrested

New story just for you. He must be crazy to so something like this so soon after VT.

F@#$ a Duck

Everything you wanted to know about a duck but was afraid to ask.

This is why I'm snot...

When I hear this song on the radio I turn the station almost immediately. I don't like being force-fed a song until I find myself repeating the lyrics (or lack of). Jen has pointed me to a "graphical dissertation on the number one song in America" that has opened my eyes to what I was missing. Very good.

Ever wonder about the view from the top of the world?

Take a look.

What's up with Micheal Vick?

Athletes are under the spotlight more than the average Joe but come on. I think Michael Vick is trying to claim another NFL record. Let me count the recent news articles: 1, 2, 3 times in less than a week, none of them especially uplifting. This recent string of events is a little embarrassing, but after the latest incident Vick has seen the light and said, "It's a call for me to really tighten down on who I'm trying to take care of. When it all boils down, people will try to take advantage of you and leave you out to dry. Lesson learned for me." I guess we'll see...

A UGA football player expelled?

UGA linebacker Akeem Hebron has been arrested again on an alcohol-related charge. Evidently he threatened a bartender when he was denied entry into the Village Idiot. The ABH website quoted the GA athletic association alcohol policy of "a player involved in a first-time alcohol offense be suspended for at least ten percent of the season. In a second offense NOT involving DUI or a controlled substance, the player will be suspended from competition for NOT less than 30 percent of the season and perform no less than 40 hours of community service. There is a possible loss of scholarship. Hebron already was suspended for two games following his early morning arrest on February 25th for underage possession of alcohol." On Wednesday, UGA updated it's alcohol policy stating, "Any student who violates the drug and alcohol policy for the first time will now have to take an alcohol awareness class and will be placed on probation for the next two regular semesters. If judicial programs officials find that a student has committed a second violation during the probationary period, the student will be suspended from the university for the remainder of the semester as well as the following regular semester."

Sounds like Akeen Hebron has alot more to worry about than a football suspension.

Celebreties in trouble (this week)

I would list the big three as:

1) Richard Gere and the warrent for his arrest in India
2) Hugh Grant (again) and his bean rage
and
3) Alec Baldwin (although this was last week I believe) and his nasty voicemail

I want one of these...

..will you buy it for me?

Design Within Reach, the furniture retailer, is collaborating with Airstream to develop a trailer for the mobile young modernist —“rock climbers, surfers, dot-com guys,” said Christopher Deam, the San Francisco architect in charge of the project, “who want to work anywhere with cellphones and wi-fi connections.” The trailer has kitchen cabinets lined with green plastic laminate, right, a Nelson Ball Clock and a dinette with cushions upholstered in striped fabric by Paul Smith, the fashion designer, which doubles as a bed (the table slides down to align with the seats and the cushions serve as a mattress). It also has a separate bedroom, a flat-screen TV, an antenna and phone jacks. “At some campgrounds, you can pull in and plug all that stuff in, and wire it like an extension of your house,” Mr. Deam said. The 16-foot trailer will be $49,066, in early June, through dwr.com or Airstream dealers: (877) 596-6111. ELAINE LOUIE

A bunch of old drunks

I don't know alot about golf. Actually, I find it a bit slow, but this is pretty much what I imagined happening most of the time.

That's why I prefer Google Maps

If you use Mapquest often, you probably have sympathy for all of these people.

What has your baby been eating?

Here's an interesting article on what is in pet food. Yummy.

What shade of brown?

This should not be a suprise after China's role in the contaminated pet food scandel. They need some serious Quality Control in their factories. Too bad Don Imus isn't around to make a joke out of it.

And you wonder why pork is considered the dirty meat.

Ya know that stink about contaminated pet food that has everyone up in arms? Well, I think it's about to get a tad bit crazier. That next bite of bacon or pork chops could be filled with delicious, nutritious melamine. Actually, I'm just being dramatic. The hunt is really on however to see if there's contaminated pork products in America's freezers. A diet of food waste, rendered animals, and the occasional pill is common knowledge of folks involved with the hog industry, but few realized dog food waste was also a dietary supplement. You learn something new everyday.

As if we don't have enough to worry about.

Well, if you are tired of getting your Salmonella poinsoning from raw chickens, eggs, or potato salad, here's a new matrix that is guaranteed to be the hit at any party. Rattlesnake capsules.

New World Order

News is trickling in on a new planet outside our solar system that possibly contains water, meaning we can possibly live on it. It's circling a red dwarf star 120 trillion miles away, but that's suppose to be pretty darn close in astronomical terms. We found it just in time since this one is about worn out.

So long and thanks for all the pollen...

Well, it's been a while since I posted so I figured I would get started again with an issue I've been hearing around various sites and scientific circles. The undeniable loss of the domesticated honeybee. The issue has alarmed environmentalists, entomologists, and horticulturists everywhere. Why? Well, the modern world's entire food supply is practically built around them. If you have no bees, ya get no pollination of our wonderful crops. No pollination, no fertilization, no fruits and vegetables. I guess we better start genetically modifying all our plants to make them self pollinating. Here's the latest suggestion of why the bees are disappearing. So if this turns out to be true, our options are the collapse of mankind's food chain or the loss of being able to vote for my favorite American Idol. I really am torn on this issue...

One last thing (hopefully)...

Since I'm on the subject of embarrassing illegal sex acts...at least it wasn't in Georgia.

The Bathroom Scandal: A Tale of Two Titties

Actually, this blog has nothing to do with titties, I just thought it was a cute title. This little story is actually about ding-a-lings. There's been alot of talk lately concerning men hooking up at the Hartsfield Airport bathrooms. While I would personally just book a room, a recent scandal involving the chairman of MARTA has been in the center spotlight for the past week. I was reading this article, and after looking at the mug shots, the real scandal was that Michael Pettry, who was caught in the compromising position with the much older chairman, was H.O.T! I could see why Ed couldn't hold it till they got to the car but Michael could have had anyone he wanted probably. Ed wouldn't have been my first choice for doing something illegal that would result in nation wide embarrasment, but how often have men thought with their brains anyway.

Justin Timberstank

I have to admit, I love several of Justin's songs. I have broken out a car seat dance routine when "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" starts up that could be easily confused to an epileptic fit to the untrained eye. The general public considers his music contagious or nauseating, depending on which side of the fence they sit, and now his fellow Tennesseans (is that the right term?) show they are just as torn. Maybe he should do a dance version to "Rocky Top."

Folks will bet on anything...

I remember making references to this on Sunday in a conversation...as a joke. I guess I'm not alone with my curiosity concerning how much of a work-out an artificial leg can handle .

Did you know...

that you don't have to buckle up in a pick-up truck in GA? I didn't know until I was reading this article concerning the Senate passing this new bill. Of course that's all about to change I guess, but it's still interesting.

Ouch!

I was reading an article in Peach Pundit that criticized Al Gore's participation in "An Inconvenient Truth" while living in a mansion that consumed quite a bit of energy. One of the comments mentioned an online test on the "An Inconvenient Truth" website that evaluated a person's carbon footprint on the world. I couldn't find that test, but on the Earth Day website I found one even better, an ecological footprint test that tells a person the amount of resources he/she is consuming based on everyday habits. i thought I was doing a great job in limiting my meat intake, recycling, composting, and car pooling but it seems that I am still consuming enough resources that we would need 6.1 planets if every person on the planet lived as I do. Sort of depressing. How many planets would you consume? Here's my consumption demand:

CATEGORY IN ACRES
FOOD: 5.4
MOBILITY: 4.4
SHELTER: 8.4
GOODS/SERVICES: 8.6

TOTAL FOOTPRINT: 27

IN COMPARISON, THE AVERAGE ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT IN YOUR COUNTRY IS 24 ACRES PER PERSON. WORLDWIDE, THERE EXIST 4.5 BIOLOGICALLY PRODUCTIVE ACRES PER PERSON. IF EVERYONE LIVED LIKE YOU, WE WOULD NEED 6.1 PLANETS AND BE DESTROYED BY CYLONS .

What the Frack?

First why would two private citizens have extra nitrogen tanks to recycle? Second, why in the hell would they throw them in the river? Those morons need to be hit with a heavy fine and punishment for trying to dump something like that into the Oconee. It's impacted enough without the help of idiots like these. Makes you wonder what else they may have tossed out if they have surplus lab equipment and supplies lying around. While I can't blame UGA staff for not wanting to take in a suspicious drop-off, I hope they called the cops or let someone official know that there where some suspicious characters parading several hazardous tanks around town for disposal.

How much for that doggie on the sales rack?

Who needs faux when you can have fox hound. I stumbled across this article that explained why my faux-fur trimmed jacket smelled like wet dog when it rained. Then again, everything in my house smells like wet dog.

And the photo of the day...

A monkey, goat, and an Asian walk into a bar...

Kentucky Fried Rodents

Hey Jen, this pushes me one step closer to give up my fast-food ways and take up the vegan mantle with you and Bru.

Anna Nichole Smith is dead

I have followed her story on and off but her sudden death seems a bit suspicious to me considering all the controversy in her life. I'm sure the tabloids will eat this up.

Gas bills suck

I have experienced life with a gas heater for over a year and I'm still undecided on how I feel about it. My January gas bill was $300 but the Feb. bill is only $60. How does that happen? The house we are in was built in the 1930s so I didn't expect a whole lot of energy efficiency but previous owners have added double paned windows and new drywall and insulation that have helped. I have also noticed a big change from turning the thermostat down in the winter from 72 degrees to 68 while we are gone during the day and at night when we sleep. But, I am still at a loss for such a dramatic change in the price. Maybe it's the unpredictable weather this year.

A dog owner's nightmare

I'm sure fellow dog folks can sympathize listening to stories of carcass rolling, litter box snacking, and paw prints all over your nicest clothes, but I'm grateful that I've never had to deal with animal encounters gone bad. Skunks, raccoons, and even other dogs can inflict some serious damage. When I saw this, I now add porcupines to the list of animals to fear....

Terrapin Brewery

Well, it seems Athens may be getting a Terrapin Brewery soon. Project plans have been submitted for review for a place on Newton Bridge Road. I wonder if it's distribution or will there be some brewing also?

Aqua Teen Hunger Farce

Maybe I'm jaded because I have watched this show a million times but Boston's response to these seemed a bit like overkill. Do they have anyone on the police force who has watched [adult swim] on Cartoon Network? At least Ted is rich enough to pay them off.

Who really thought this was a great party theme?

I have thrown my share of parties that have degraded into the bizarre and almost obscene. There was the Easter party that turned into a war as people hunting for eggs were shot with marshmallow guns. Then there was the Outdoor Fun Day party with a Slip N' Slide and inflatable pool, that was interrupted by a major thunderstorm and featured scantily clad drunks in the back yard. And what would Boybutante be without it's usual twisted themes and drunken hilarity. But I have yet to throw or attend a party that would make headlines as quickly as the MLK party fiascoes at a college in Texas , the University of Connecticut School of Law, and now Clemson. I suspect this type of theme party has been around for some time, but with the power of the Internet and numerous social networking sites, anyone can be famous (or infamous) in a matter of weeks. Good luck with your new found fame kiddies and hopefully, you've learned a valuable lesson. Confiscate cameras at the front door.

Tweaked on doughnuts

While I appreciate the shortcut for my occasional doughnut and coffee, I would still drink the coffee and probably scare all my coworkers from the caffiene rush.

A new restaurant on Jefferson Road

The ACC Planning Dept will send the public email notifications of new building plans for all commission districts. Anyone can sign up regardless of where you live. It sounds very dull, but for the past 6 months, I have been on top of every new development and new business that has popped up on my side of town. That's how I found out that Dial America was moving into the old Winn Dixie at Homewood Shopping Center, which was a disappointment (while Bell's is adequate, it's missing many specialty goods that I look for in a grocery store). But, the big news today was that Cali N Tito's, which is currently at the old K-Bob on Lumpkin has submitted an application for plans review to remodel a building for a restaurant on the corner of Jefferson and Jefferson River Road. I'm thrilled because now we an actually walk to a restaurant with ease and because Bruno Rubio's restaurants have always been nice. I didn't think he would open one any time soon due to La Puerta del Sol on the Eastside, but I guess we'll see what happens in the coming months. It may be a while before it opens. My only concern is that this may signal the beginning of a major commercial corridor all the way down Jefferson Road. With the large volume of traffic and hordes of neighborhoods in the area, I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. It's zoned commercial so I hope that future businesses can be convinced to break that cookie cutter mold seen on the East side and bring something unique to the area. Time will tell.